Suriname Monkey Shoes and The Crappo

Suriname Monkey Shoes and The Crappo

by 

Jane Pierce

Suriname Monkey and Short Circuit was Grandfather only two friends. Dem used to come over when cricket de showing. Grandfather neva use dey real names. He seh Suriname Monkey ugly, so das how he geh de name. Suriname Monkey de short and black. He face had nuff holes and he lips de black, black and cracky. Grandfather seh is he wife Gloria gat he looking suh. Grandfather seh, ‘Suriname Monkey stupit, cah he should know when fuh go and search fuh better pudding.’ He seh it gon be hard fuh Suriname Monkey, but sum women considerate. Grandfather seh, ‘Short Circuit was a electrician, but he could neva mek a light bulb wuk.’ Short Circuit de tall and skinny, he had a small tiny mouth and he neva tek off he red cap. Grandfather seh Suriname Monkey does talk fuh all three o’ dem. Is true too, Suriname Monkey mouth use to run like wata. Nuff time Grandfather would tell he shut up. Suriname Monkey use to geh quiet and den start talk again, Grandfather would seh shut up again, Suriname Monkey use to geh quiet again and den talk again. Suriname Monkey use to ask nuff questions. Nobody neva used to answer he. It wasn’t Suriname Monkey talking which use to bodda me though, it was he foot. Suriname Monkey foot used to smell like dead rat and rank fish mix up together. From de time ya enter de house, de whole living room used to smell rank. Not even a bottle o’ air freshner coulda kill de scent. One time Mommy try spraying and it mek de smell raise up and even Grandfather and Short Circuit had to leave de house. De scent neva used to really bodda dem. Grandmother seh, de three o’ dem stink alike. Grandfather tell she, ‘de man foot don’ smell so bad and how she meking a big issue outta nothing.’

A time, me cousin Sarah de visit. She ain’t know it was Suriname Monkey foot de smelling up de place. We de wan’ she smell Suriname Monkey shoes. She woulda geh de scent flush and we coulda geh a laugh. Bupin carry we in de verandah fuh play cards. Bupin seh, ‘we can’ leh she smell de shoes right away, cah it gon look strange. We gah fuh groove she in.’ When de game meet half way, Bupin seh:

‘Eh Tommy, you hear dat?’

‘Hear what Bupin?’

‘Grandmother calling Sarah.’

‘Me ain’t hear not’ing’, yall lying to me.’

‘Wha’ Ah gon lie to ya fuh gurl, you ain’t gah believe me yah know, when Grandmother come out hay, don’ gah not’ing fuh tell me.’ When Bupin Seh dat, Sarah go in de house. Sarah return with she lips pout out. ‘Grandmother ain’t calling me, yall is some liards.’ Bupin seh,‘We sorry man, but look ya husband, Morris passing.’ Sarah eyes geh big and watery. Ah use to feel lil sorry fuh she, but Ah still used to laugh. De neighbourhood used to call Morris, ‘Mad Man Morris.’ Morris hair neva comb and he always gat a bottle o’ rum in he hand. He used to dance and stagger down de road midday time. He clothes always dirty and he neva had a slipper pun he foot. Ah wonda why Morris family neva send he de doctor, so he coulda stop be mad. A guess dey geh accustom to Morris madness and it stap bodda dem. If ya see sum’ting over and over again, it don’ bodda ya no mo’. Ah used to feel sorry fuh Morris, but Ah realise even though Morris mad – he was always happy. Morris does always be smiling and is like not’ing don bodda he. He ain’t gah bodda about ‘being good and going to heaven. Morris probably neva even hear ‘bout being good to reach heaven. A time Morris de pass by we house and he smile at Sarah. Bupin ask she, ‘like das ya boyfriend or wha?’ Sarah buss out a cry. Since den, everytime Morris pass, we used to seh, ‘Sarah, Sarah, look ya husband passing.’ Tears would start flowing from she eyes. She used to go and complain to Grandmother. Grandmother seh, ‘You bodda with dem stupidee boys, look how you pretty, you really t’ink ya gon marry mad man Morris?’ De girl use to sour up she face fuh couple minutes and den she’d come back and play.

When Sarah done cry, Bupin tell she, ‘watch, if yuh smell Suriname Monkey Shoes, we gon neva trouble you bout mad man Morris again.’

‘Ya lying.’

‘Ah ain’t lying, Ah promise, Ah cross ma heart, Ah swear pun ma Mother grave.’ Even though Bupin sound like he de telling de truth, Ah know he de lying, but Sarah believe he. Sarah tek she time and walk to de shoe. With every step we tek, de smell de bunning up we nose. Sarah de frighten fuh pick up de shoe. Bupin push Sarah closer to de shoe. De shoes had pieces o’ toilet paper inside along with Suriname Monkey colour colour socks.

‘Arite Sarah, yah ain’t gat fuh smell it fuh long, yah gon jus’ pick up de shoes and smell it fuh three seconds and den ya gon put it down back, yah could do it.’Bupin seh.

Sarah close she eyes tight, tight like if wicked picture showing pun tv. She lift de shoe to she nosehole and smell it. She drop de shoe and run to de backyard and start vomit up. Ah feel bad we mek she smell dat shoes. Even Bupin look lil frighten and not’ing don’ scare he. Ah t’ink das de wuss t’ing Ah ever do. Ah din really like dat we mek Sarah vomit. Me han’ geh dry and Ah could feel me nerves rattling in me body. Ah know dis sin woulda geh add pun me name and God woulda punish me bad. Auntie Romona seh when God come fuh he worl’ he gon raise up de dead and judge all a we. She seh, he knows all a we sin, cah he always watching. She seh de mo’ sin we commit de hotter de fire gon be in hell. Ah t’ink dis sin could mek me reach to de wuss fire in hell, Ah start t’inking bout missing me Mother and all me Family. And den a realise Sarah de going and complain pun we and is some serious licks we de looking at. Ah geh frighten, frighten, Ah suppose to be de goodest cousin, but now, Mommy, Auntie Romona and Grandmother woulda beat me. Dem woulda seh how Ah’s a bad chil’ and Ah gat to pray hard fuh forgiveness. Sometimes Ah use to wonda, if God gon forgive ma wicked ways. But we de getting fun and if Ah de din help Bupin, he mighta de stap play me. When Sarah done vomit, she give we two hot box. It lef’ we stupidy, cah Sarah don’ nack people.

‘Ah going and tell Grandmother pun yall, yall gon geh licks today.’

‘you can’ tell pun we,’ Bupin seh.

‘Who seh?’

Bupin realise Sarah din joking and so he try fuh t’ink of sum’ting quick to distract she.

‘Look, look, we gon do sum’thing’ fun,’ he seh.

‘Yall smell he shoe and lick it up and den Ah nah gon talk.’

‘Man Sarah das cruel, how you gon mek we lick Suriname Monkey shoes, yah wan’ we dead?’ Sarah turn ‘round and start run to Grandmother.

‘Alrite! Alrite! Wait!’ Bupin seh.

‘Ah waiting.’ Bupin walk to Sarah, put he hand round she shoulder and start smile wid she.

‘So de neighbour always wan’ coffee from me and nah all de time Ah does wan’ ask Grandmother fuh coffee, so Ah does thief lil sum’times.’

‘Thief bai, you wan’ go to hell?’ Sarah seh.

‘Yah can’ go to hell if yah ask fuh forgiveness, like you don’ pay attention in Sunday School. Yall lil chirren gat nuff fuh learn.’ Bupin den pull me and Sarah in a carna and whisper:

‘Here wha’ we gon do, we gon search fuh de fattest crappo we could find and we gon put it in de container dat Ah does put she coffee in and as soon as she open it, de crappo gon jump out pun she.’ Sarah start laugh and seh, ‘Alrite good, ya lucky Ah like this idea.’

‘Good, so both o’ yall gon help me ketch de crappo?’ Bupin send me in de house fuh de container. When Ah come back, he seh, ‘Good, we gon go at de back yard by de septic tank, nuff Crappo dere, yall gon chase dem out and Ah gon collect it in dis container.’

‘Why you don’ chase it out?’

‘Arite Sarah, Ah gon chase it out, de two o’ yall wait here and ketch it.’

Sarah suck she teeth and seh, ‘Bai Tommy, come leh we ga lang and geh dese crappos.’ Me and Sarah mek we way to de septic tank and musbe bout 5 crappos come jumping out. Bupin snatch ‘bout three Crappo and put dem in de container.

‘Ya sure yah wan’ give neighbour dese Crappos?’ Ah ask Bupin.

‘Wam, like ya frighten or wha?’

‘Yeah, like ya frighten or wha?’ Sarah seh.

‘No, Ah look frighten to you?’

‘Good, well come leh we ga lang and give dis woman she coffee.’ Ah de lil frighten we coulda geh bad licks. Bupin coulda tell Ah de frighten.

‘Tommy, don’ worry bai, she can’ complain, cah is she mek Ah thief. If she complain, she gon look bad.’ Dat mek Ah feel lil better.

‘Ya early man and yuh bring ya cousins?’ Neighbour Pauline look at we and smile. ‘Thanks fuh de coffee, Ah only gat five sweety today, but tomorrow Ah gon give you de rest.’

‘Is arite Auntie, ya could keep it.’

‘It heavy man, like yuh bring some extra coffee Bupin.’

‘Yes Auntie is a special kind dat Grandmother buy.’

When Auntie buss open de bag, de crappos jump out.

‘dese fucking chirren Ah gon beat alyuh muddascunt.’ We bruk out from de neighbour yard. Sarah had nuff fun and she de already forgetting we mek she smell Suriname Monkey shoe. Ah feel good dat Sarah had fun, but Ah still feel bad dat Ah mek she smell Suriname Monkey Shoes. Ah de even feel bad dat we gee Auntie Pauline Crappo and it mek she geh so vex and cuss we. Ah feel so bad dat me heart start hu’t and fuh de rest o’ de day, Ah had to pretend real hard dat Ah had fun, until Ah start geh tired and seh a wan’ go sleep. 
© 2017.