Midnight Fireworks

Midnight Fireworks
By 
Jane Pierce 

After Grandfather dead, Ah hardly used to eat. It din even mek sense fuh eat, cah Ah would vomit it out. It use to feel like Ah was vomiting out me lungs. Ah use lean over de tailet and try to breathe de pain away. It was hard to get up and move after Ah finish vomiting. Sometimes Ah used to go underneath de cherry tree and t’ink ‘bout how sad life is and how it could really h’ut ya and mek ya feel like it don’ matter. Ah start wish Ah was a cherry, den somebody coulda eat me and Ah coulda nourish dey body and Ah mek dey feel good ‘bout deyself. Mommy would cook Roti and Curry, Macaroni, Fry Rice with Bake Chicken, and she even used to buy KFC. She thought Ah would stop vomit if Ah eat me favourite foods. It din wuk. Ah coulda still remember Grandfather hanging from de roof. He eyes de bulging out and de rope was so tight he neck bones de printing through he skin. Den some breeze roar through the window and Grandfather swing three times and de rope tighten mo’ pun he skin. It de feel like de rope was alive and it had to kill Grandfather mo’. It had to mek sure, cah it know Grandfather din wan’ come back alive. Ah t’ink death would stay in me brain and heart forever. No matter how much praying Ah do, Ah couldn’t forget it. It don’ heal like a cut pun ya skin. Mommy seh, ‘God know why Grandfather kill heself and he couldn’t stap he from doing it.’ And, ‘Ya is not God, so don’ t’ink is you fault.’ Ah din know why Grandfather kill heself. Ah guess some people does tek it hard if dey lose dey son. Ah din wan’ dead before Mommy, cah Ah know she woulda tek on and probably hang sheself. Ah wish Ah coulda ask God why he mek Grandfather kill heself, but he don’ answer. God can’ pick up de phone and call ya. Yah gat to hope he hear you before de rest o’ de worl’. Nobody din know why God din stap Grandfather from killing heself, only he knows. When Old Mommy find out Grandfather dead, she seh, ‘God is in charge.’ Ah never understand wha’ dat means. When Ah ask Old Mommy what it means, she seh, ‘God knows wha’ is best and we gat to accept when we loved ones die.’ Jesus! dat mek Ah feel mo’ terrible. Ah wish God din only in charge o’ death. Ah wish he coulda raise de dead, like Lazarus in de bible. Ah t’ink he stap doing dat now, cah nobody neva geh raise up since Lazarus. All God does do now is kill people. Grandmother use to feel Grandfather death de most. ‘When two people together and dey live a happy life, it does hu’t when dey dead. Even though me and Charlie used to geh one and two quarrel, we neva stop loving each other.’ Grandmother de talking to me in de living room. ‘Oww, ya Grandfather gone and leff meh, but wha’ ya could do? jus’ gah wait fuh time Tommy, das all Ah could do.’ When grandmother seh dat, Ah went and turn de clock hand.

‘Wha’ ya doing chil’?’

‘A moving de time Grandmother, so ya could feel better.’

She laugh and seh, ‘t’anks child, Ah done feel better.’ Seeing Grandmother laugh, lighten me mood. But Ah feel real better after me uncle wife, Barbara, visit and tell me a lovely midnight story.

De fuss time Ah meet Barbara, Ah couldn’t stap stare at she. She head de shine like a polish wood table. She had smooth dark skin and gold bangles dat reach till to she elbow. She de wearing a bright red dress dat de glittering under de light. Mommy seh Auntie Barbara was a Bishop. Das sumt’ing like a pastor. It was de fuss time Ah meet a woman pastor. She neva used to talk like regular man pastors and Sunday School teachas. She’d neva seh, ‘Hi, how are you today,’ das how all dem pastors used to greet me. Auntie Barbara greetings was, ‘wam lil man, tell me when last ya talk to Jesus.’ Ah seh, ‘last night.’

‘Eah hea and wha he tell ya.’

‘He ain’t seh nun.’

She put she hand pun she face and start laugh.

Auntie Barbara laugh sound mo’ rusty dan she voice. Mommy seh, ‘some women voice husky and dat does mek dey sound commanding like a man.’ After she done laugh, she went to Grandmother and rest one hand pun she shoulder. Auntie Barbara seh,‘Is new years and you deh moping ‘bout?’

Grandmother look at she and smile.

‘Miss lady, lemme tell you sumt’ing, you know de other day me husband visit me? Yes girl, he come in me room and come for check on me!’ Auntie Barbara stamp she right leg pun de ground. ‘He push de door and Ah smelling he lil backside. He smell good, like he jus’ done spray. He use to wear dis sweet pufume. Ah ask he, wha’ ya doing hay? Ya done dead! Wha’ ya come back fuh? Ya wretch ya, ya bitch ya, is not me time, don’ come in ma room. If Ah wan’ tek new man das me choice, yah done dead. God ain’t ready fuh me and Ah gat to continue living.’

Grandmother start laugh. Ah coulda tell she laugh come from de bottom o’ she belly. Das de type o’ laugh dat does mek yah pee up yah skin.

‘You can’ stress pun no dead man, and lemme tell you dis, dem lil nosy neighbours, who talking and sehing he shunt kill heself din know wha’ dat man de going through. You don’ feel shame, ya hear me? God don’ mek mistake with death. When de almighty ready fuh ya, ya have to go by any means necessary, and Ah could tell ya dis – he ain’t ready fuh you yet. So tonight, ya gon eat ya cook-up and we gon dance and celebrate dis new year. Ah skipping me church fuh you! Charlie de done dead lang, is jus’ he eye de leff open, so Ah ain’t wan’ ya be in no cry, cry mood.’

‘Aright Barbara, good we gon tek two shots and dance.’ Auntie Barbara den turn to Mommy and seh, ‘June! Is wha’ ya lil man deh.’

‘Ya ain’t talk to he when ya jus come in?’

‘Eah hea, is dat one grow so big?’

Auntie Barbara see me sit down in de living room chair. Ah had ma head pun ma chest. Ah din feel like looking or talking to she. Auntie Barbara seh, ‘lift dat head up lil man, is wha’, Ya shame? or dis bald head woman ugly? We don’ deal wid shame in dis house and de lord ain’t mek me ugly. Ya best lift dat head up.’ Ah raise up me head slowly.

‘Watch how he handsome and yah wan’ hide face. How old is you now?’ Ah lift up seven fingers.

‘Eah hea, seven? if ya was seventeen Ah mighta de give ya a fuss shot, but come back in ten years.’ Everybody laugh. Ah just look at she like she mad.

‘Ya Mommy tell me dat ya not eating as much since ya Grandfather dead, das true?’ She seh it like was one o’ de wuss sin fuh lil chirren commit. Ah de feel like crawling under a mango tree and stay buried wid de roots.

‘Come man, tell me de truth, ya not eating?’

Ah nod ma head and seh, yes. She lift me up, kiss me pun me cheek and seh,

‘Well hear wha’ Ah gon do fuh you. Ya know tonight de fireworks go off at midnight?’

‘Yes Auntie.’

‘And ya know is a representation of sumt’ing.’

‘Wha’s representation?’

‘It means de fireworks gat a story behind it, and lemme tell ya, Ah come all de way from Berbice to tell you dis story. Every seven year old must hear dis story, dey gat to hear it.’

‘Is wha Auntie, tell me now nah?’

‘No bai, yah got fuh wait pun de fireworks and den Ah gon tell ya, plus de government seh look forward to bigger and brighter fireworks, so ya know dis gon be a special story?’

Ah walk round whole day t’inking ‘bout this story dat all seven year old gat to know. Ah was more excited than eating ice-cream at midnight. Mommy de tell me how she father used to gee she ice-cream soon as new year start because it does be de sweetest ‘round dat time. Ah was three when Ah get ma fuss new years ice-cream. It melt like a sugary ice-cube. Every old year’s night Ah does look at de clack and wait fuh eat ice-cream, but now all Ah could t’ink ‘bout was Auntie Barbara story.

Ah look at de clack till mah eyes start bun. Ah decide fuh sleep, but when Ah wake up, it was only 9:00 in de night. Auntie Barbara was drinking and dancing. She de whining all de way down and den coming up slow. Dis lady de doing de butterfly dance like a teenager. Ah din t’ink a 74-year-old women could whine down to de floor and do butterfly. Grandmother de younger dan she, and couldn’t do nun o’ dem dance. When Auntie Barbara finish dance, Ah go up to she and try fuh look sad. Me mouth de pout out and everything. Auntie Barbara seh,‘Dem tricks don’ wuk pun me, when twelve come Ah gon tell ya de story.’ Ah go and sid down in de chair. De clack din moving.

Auntie Barbara seh, ‘yall tek out some cook-up fuh this lil chil’ eat, leh de tripe and beef kill some time fuh he.’

Mommy tek out de cook-up and gee me some orange juice to drink. Ah start wonder if me other friends hear dis story before. Ah thought Auntie Barbara gon tell me dat seven-years old finally gon get to go on speed-boats like big people, or maybe a seven year-old could turn invisible and be de hide and seek champion. Cousin Bupin used to always beat me at dat game, maybe she woulda gee me a secret so Ah coulda beat he. When Ah don’ eat, Auntie Barbara carry me to dance. She seh, ‘de dancing gon wuk de tripe, beef and de time out.’ It was me and she pun de dance floor. We de whining, jumping and spinning round and round. Ah de wan’ tire she out, but she din deh so. She dance and dance, till twelve meet.‘Is two minutes to twelve, Come chil’, lemme tell you de story and Ah wan’ you pass it on to you chil’ and dem muss pass it on to theirs.’ Me, she and de whole family move into de veranda. Auntie Barbara hold me hands and press on me fingers, den she tek me in a carna.

‘look at dem fireworks chil’, ya see how dem bright?’

‘Yes, Auntie.’

‘Really pay attention to dem.’ She point at de fireworks. ‘Dem bright and glowing, but dey does only glow fuh a second, but ya see in dat second, dem leaving sumt’ing in ya memory, tell me if Ah right or Ah wrang?’ Ah look at dese fireworks and ma eyes ain’t leff dem. Ah could feel de light shining in ma eyes, den it slowly disappear and reappear again. Dese firworks feel brighter dan de stars and de moon. Dey had gold, blue, red, purple, green and sumtimes dese colours would mix up and form a sparkling circle rainbow. Ah feel happy to look at dese fireworks lighting up de night. Ah ain’t feel so happy in a lang time.

‘Ya see how dey glowing and outing fast?’

‘Yes Auntie.’

‘Dey look like you gon rememba dem fuh a lang time?’

‘Yes Auntie.’

‘Well good, dese fireworks does represent every dead person dat die in de whole wide worl.’

‘In de whole wide worl’ Auntie?’

‘Yes, Ah telling yah.’ Dat had to be one o’ de most amazing stories Ah ever hear. Ah couldn’t believe Ah din know dis all de time.

‘All is people, who people cared for and loved. Jus’ like how you care and love ya Grandfather, but dese people gone now and it could mek ya feel sad, but ya see dat light that comes shining in de midnight sky, das wha’ you gat to keep in ya memory, ya got to keep dem memories of all de dead people who use to shine and ya gat to rememba dey stories and ya got to tell it son. Ya see when de fire gone, ya not gon rememba darkness. Is de light ya gat to rememba son, always rememba de light, ya understand?’

‘Yes Auntie, Ah understand.’