Midnight Fireworks

Midnight Fireworks
By 
Jane Pierce 

After Grandfather dead, Ah hardly used to eat. It din even mek sense fuh eat, cah Ah would vomit it out. It use to feel like Ah was vomiting out me lungs. Ah use lean over de tailet and try to breathe de pain away. It was hard to get up and move after Ah finish vomiting. Sometimes Ah used to go underneath de cherry tree and t’ink ‘bout how sad life is and how it could really h’ut ya and mek ya feel like it don’ matter. Ah start wish Ah was a cherry, den somebody coulda eat me and Ah coulda nourish dey body and Ah mek dey feel good ‘bout deyself. Mommy would cook Roti and Curry, Macaroni, Fry Rice with Bake Chicken, and she even used to buy KFC. She thought Ah would stop vomit if Ah eat me favourite foods. It din wuk. Ah coulda still remember Grandfather hanging from de roof. He eyes de bulging out and de rope was so tight he neck bones de printing through he skin. Den some breeze roar through the window and Grandfather swing three times and de rope tighten mo’ pun he skin. It de feel like de rope was alive and it had to kill Grandfather mo’. It had to mek sure, cah it know Grandfather din wan’ come back alive. Ah t’ink death would stay in me brain and heart forever. No matter how much praying Ah do, Ah couldn’t forget it. It don’ heal like a cut pun ya skin. Mommy seh, ‘God know why Grandfather kill heself and he couldn’t stap he from doing it.’ And, ‘Ya is not God, so don’ t’ink is you fault.’ Ah din know why Grandfather kill heself. Ah guess some people does tek it hard if dey lose dey son. Ah din wan’ dead before Mommy, cah Ah know she woulda tek on and probably hang sheself. Ah wish Ah coulda ask God why he mek Grandfather kill heself, but he don’ answer. God can’ pick up de phone and call ya. Yah gat to hope he hear you before de rest o’ de worl’. Nobody din know why God din stap Grandfather from killing heself, only he knows. When Old Mommy find out Grandfather dead, she seh, ‘God is in charge.’ Ah never understand wha’ dat means. When Ah ask Old Mommy what it means, she seh, ‘God knows wha’ is best and we gat to accept when we loved ones die.’ Jesus! dat mek Ah feel mo’ terrible. Ah wish God din only in charge o’ death. Ah wish he coulda raise de dead, like Lazarus in de bible. Ah t’ink he stap doing dat now, cah nobody neva geh raise up since Lazarus. All God does do now is kill people. Grandmother use to feel Grandfather death de most. ‘When two people together and dey live a happy life, it does hu’t when dey dead. Even though me and Charlie used to geh one and two quarrel, we neva stop loving each other.’ Grandmother de talking to me in de living room. ‘Oww, ya Grandfather gone and leff meh, but wha’ ya could do? jus’ gah wait fuh time Tommy, das all Ah could do.’ When grandmother seh dat, Ah went and turn de clock hand.

‘Wha’ ya doing chil’?’

‘A moving de time Grandmother, so ya could feel better.’

She laugh and seh, ‘t’anks child, Ah done feel better.’ Seeing Grandmother laugh, lighten me mood. But Ah feel real better after me uncle wife, Barbara, visit and tell me a lovely midnight story.

De fuss time Ah meet Barbara, Ah couldn’t stap stare at she. She head de shine like a polish wood table. She had smooth dark skin and gold bangles dat reach till to she elbow. She de wearing a bright red dress dat de glittering under de light. Mommy seh Auntie Barbara was a Bishop. Das sumt’ing like a pastor. It was de fuss time Ah meet a woman pastor. She neva used to talk like regular man pastors and Sunday School teachas. She’d neva seh, ‘Hi, how are you today,’ das how all dem pastors used to greet me. Auntie Barbara greetings was, ‘wam lil man, tell me when last ya talk to Jesus.’ Ah seh, ‘last night.’

‘Eah hea and wha he tell ya.’

‘He ain’t seh nun.’

She put she hand pun she face and start laugh.

Auntie Barbara laugh sound mo’ rusty dan she voice. Mommy seh, ‘some women voice husky and dat does mek dey sound commanding like a man.’ After she done laugh, she went to Grandmother and rest one hand pun she shoulder. Auntie Barbara seh,‘Is new years and you deh moping ‘bout?’

Grandmother look at she and smile.

‘Miss lady, lemme tell you sumt’ing, you know de other day me husband visit me? Yes girl, he come in me room and come for check on me!’ Auntie Barbara stamp she right leg pun de ground. ‘He push de door and Ah smelling he lil backside. He smell good, like he jus’ done spray. He use to wear dis sweet pufume. Ah ask he, wha’ ya doing hay? Ya done dead! Wha’ ya come back fuh? Ya wretch ya, ya bitch ya, is not me time, don’ come in ma room. If Ah wan’ tek new man das me choice, yah done dead. God ain’t ready fuh me and Ah gat to continue living.’

Grandmother start laugh. Ah coulda tell she laugh come from de bottom o’ she belly. Das de type o’ laugh dat does mek yah pee up yah skin.

‘You can’ stress pun no dead man, and lemme tell you dis, dem lil nosy neighbours, who talking and sehing he shunt kill heself din know wha’ dat man de going through. You don’ feel shame, ya hear me? God don’ mek mistake with death. When de almighty ready fuh ya, ya have to go by any means necessary, and Ah could tell ya dis – he ain’t ready fuh you yet. So tonight, ya gon eat ya cook-up and we gon dance and celebrate dis new year. Ah skipping me church fuh you! Charlie de done dead lang, is jus’ he eye de leff open, so Ah ain’t wan’ ya be in no cry, cry mood.’

‘Aright Barbara, good we gon tek two shots and dance.’ Auntie Barbara den turn to Mommy and seh, ‘June! Is wha’ ya lil man deh.’

‘Ya ain’t talk to he when ya jus come in?’

‘Eah hea, is dat one grow so big?’

Auntie Barbara see me sit down in de living room chair. Ah had ma head pun ma chest. Ah din feel like looking or talking to she. Auntie Barbara seh, ‘lift dat head up lil man, is wha’, Ya shame? or dis bald head woman ugly? We don’ deal wid shame in dis house and de lord ain’t mek me ugly. Ya best lift dat head up.’ Ah raise up me head slowly.

‘Watch how he handsome and yah wan’ hide face. How old is you now?’ Ah lift up seven fingers.

‘Eah hea, seven? if ya was seventeen Ah mighta de give ya a fuss shot, but come back in ten years.’ Everybody laugh. Ah just look at she like she mad.

‘Ya Mommy tell me dat ya not eating as much since ya Grandfather dead, das true?’ She seh it like was one o’ de wuss sin fuh lil chirren commit. Ah de feel like crawling under a mango tree and stay buried wid de roots.

‘Come man, tell me de truth, ya not eating?’

Ah nod ma head and seh, yes. She lift me up, kiss me pun me cheek and seh,

‘Well hear wha’ Ah gon do fuh you. Ya know tonight de fireworks go off at midnight?’

‘Yes Auntie.’

‘And ya know is a representation of sumt’ing.’

‘Wha’s representation?’

‘It means de fireworks gat a story behind it, and lemme tell ya, Ah come all de way from Berbice to tell you dis story. Every seven year old must hear dis story, dey gat to hear it.’

‘Is wha Auntie, tell me now nah?’

‘No bai, yah got fuh wait pun de fireworks and den Ah gon tell ya, plus de government seh look forward to bigger and brighter fireworks, so ya know dis gon be a special story?’

Ah walk round whole day t’inking ‘bout this story dat all seven year old gat to know. Ah was more excited than eating ice-cream at midnight. Mommy de tell me how she father used to gee she ice-cream soon as new year start because it does be de sweetest ‘round dat time. Ah was three when Ah get ma fuss new years ice-cream. It melt like a sugary ice-cube. Every old year’s night Ah does look at de clack and wait fuh eat ice-cream, but now all Ah could t’ink ‘bout was Auntie Barbara story.

Ah look at de clack till mah eyes start bun. Ah decide fuh sleep, but when Ah wake up, it was only 9:00 in de night. Auntie Barbara was drinking and dancing. She de whining all de way down and den coming up slow. Dis lady de doing de butterfly dance like a teenager. Ah din t’ink a 74-year-old women could whine down to de floor and do butterfly. Grandmother de younger dan she, and couldn’t do nun o’ dem dance. When Auntie Barbara finish dance, Ah go up to she and try fuh look sad. Me mouth de pout out and everything. Auntie Barbara seh,‘Dem tricks don’ wuk pun me, when twelve come Ah gon tell ya de story.’ Ah go and sid down in de chair. De clack din moving.

Auntie Barbara seh, ‘yall tek out some cook-up fuh this lil chil’ eat, leh de tripe and beef kill some time fuh he.’

Mommy tek out de cook-up and gee me some orange juice to drink. Ah start wonder if me other friends hear dis story before. Ah thought Auntie Barbara gon tell me dat seven-years old finally gon get to go on speed-boats like big people, or maybe a seven year-old could turn invisible and be de hide and seek champion. Cousin Bupin used to always beat me at dat game, maybe she woulda gee me a secret so Ah coulda beat he. When Ah don’ eat, Auntie Barbara carry me to dance. She seh, ‘de dancing gon wuk de tripe, beef and de time out.’ It was me and she pun de dance floor. We de whining, jumping and spinning round and round. Ah de wan’ tire she out, but she din deh so. She dance and dance, till twelve meet.‘Is two minutes to twelve, Come chil’, lemme tell you de story and Ah wan’ you pass it on to you chil’ and dem muss pass it on to theirs.’ Me, she and de whole family move into de veranda. Auntie Barbara hold me hands and press on me fingers, den she tek me in a carna.

‘look at dem fireworks chil’, ya see how dem bright?’

‘Yes, Auntie.’

‘Really pay attention to dem.’ She point at de fireworks. ‘Dem bright and glowing, but dey does only glow fuh a second, but ya see in dat second, dem leaving sumt’ing in ya memory, tell me if Ah right or Ah wrang?’ Ah look at dese fireworks and ma eyes ain’t leff dem. Ah could feel de light shining in ma eyes, den it slowly disappear and reappear again. Dese firworks feel brighter dan de stars and de moon. Dey had gold, blue, red, purple, green and sumtimes dese colours would mix up and form a sparkling circle rainbow. Ah feel happy to look at dese fireworks lighting up de night. Ah ain’t feel so happy in a lang time.

‘Ya see how dey glowing and outing fast?’

‘Yes Auntie.’

‘Dey look like you gon rememba dem fuh a lang time?’

‘Yes Auntie.’

‘Well good, dese fireworks does represent every dead person dat die in de whole wide worl.’

‘In de whole wide worl’ Auntie?’

‘Yes, Ah telling yah.’ Dat had to be one o’ de most amazing stories Ah ever hear. Ah couldn’t believe Ah din know dis all de time.

‘All is people, who people cared for and loved. Jus’ like how you care and love ya Grandfather, but dese people gone now and it could mek ya feel sad, but ya see dat light that comes shining in de midnight sky, das wha’ you gat to keep in ya memory, ya got to keep dem memories of all de dead people who use to shine and ya gat to rememba dey stories and ya got to tell it son. Ya see when de fire gone, ya not gon rememba darkness. Is de light ya gat to rememba son, always rememba de light, ya understand?’

‘Yes Auntie, Ah understand.’

 

Grandfather

Grandfather

De sun used to bake me and dry up me throat when Ah used to help Grandfather pun de farm. Grandfather hands de hard and he had big, big muscles. Daniel de seh, ‘Grandfather gat young boy muscles and good family genes. Grandfather tell Daniel, ‘is rum and farm wuk gat me looking suh, nah no genes.’ Grandfather seh, ‘A farming man does save nuff money.’ It was true too, Grandmother neva used to go de market nuff. When she had greens leff over she used to gee Mommy some. Grandfather used to grow pumpkin, cabbage, bora, pakchoi, carrot, ochro, eschallot, eddo, plantain, cassava and calaloo. We farm also had ducks, chicken and some pigeons too. Lucky fuh de pigeons, we neva used to eat dem. Grandfather seh how he rather eat Mountain Chicken. Mountain Chicken is a fancy Crappo Dominicans eat. Grandfather seh, ‘Ah eat it once in Dominica and den ma friend tell me is Mountain Chicken.’ Daniel de seh Grandfather lie, but Ah believe Grandfather – he neva used to lie. Ah coulda neva eat Mountain Chicken. Crappo look too slimy to eat. Me and Grandfather love meking mud castles when nuff rain fall. Grandmother de ask he if he ain’t too big to gat me doing dat. Grandfather tell she when a lil bai put he han’ in mud, he soul does grow. When we finish mek we castles, Grandfather and me would sid down under a cherry tree and watch de ants carry dem lil leaf to dey home. He tell me, ‘ya see how dem ants wuking together and gadering dey food, is dem mek a turn a farmer. If ants could wuk so hard, why a hard back cockroach like me can’ mek food fuh me family.’ A tell Grandfather Ah, wan’ be a farmer when Ah grow up. He seh, ‘Good, some people does look down pun this farm wuk and see it as slave t’ing, but Ah prefer fuh be on dis farm and provide dan to be lying down pun a couch and buying from other people.’ Ah tell Grandfather dat he vegetables does taste better dan de market people own. Grandfather smile at me and seh, ‘he don’ kay if it taste better dan dey own, once he family enjoy it.’ We used to enjoy de breeze and de cherry tree shade pun de farm. When we under de tree, it feel like no jumbie coulda come underneath it and frighten we. Grandfather seh, ‘nature does cleanse ya blood and warm ya heart, but people dem ain’t know dat and das why dey so evil, cah dey disconnect from it.’ Whenever me and Grandfather not pun de farm, we used to be watching Chinee Movie and American Western. Ah like de Chinee, where de young bai gat to avenge he master. Ah never like westerns so much. De most interesting part was de gun showdown. Ah used to be bored, until de end. Dey had a smooth, catchy song and de camera use to zoom in pun de man eyes and he eyes would tek over de TV. Ah coulda rememba dem songs forever. Grandfather seh when Ah geh big, Ah gon learn to appreciate de slow beauty westerns have to offer. He seh westerns is like nature – it is fuh de contemplative, sad and reflective man.

Since Uncle Junior dead, me and Grandfather don’ watch no mo’ movie. Me throat don’ geh dry no mo’ and de sun don’ bake me, mud castles stap build and de cherry tree don’ shade me. Grandfather muscles disappear and he skin does look soft like a woman. All Grandfather does do is cry and halla in de living room chair. Ah neva t’ink men used to cry, Ah din see none cry at de fineral. Maybe dey de crying under dem shades. Grandfather din had on shades, he de wear a black shirt and black pants. When Grandmother start bawl, Grandfather went outside to drink some rum. Grandfather seh, ‘me son was good, Ah wish God de tek me instead.’ Grandfather drink out he rum and buss out a laugh. It was suppose to be a joke, but only Grandfather geh it. Dem other men, de jus’ staring at Grandfather and drinking dey beers.

‘Oww, get up nah. Junior gone Charlie, ya can’ lie down and cry whole day. It ain’t good fuh ya.’ Grandmother seh. Grandfather din pay she no mind, all he coulda do was cry. De house was neva quiet no mo’. Grandfather use to halla in de morning, till he fall asleep. Grandfather use to halla in de night, till he fall asleep. Grandfather used to hardly sleep. De hallering sounds used to stap sum’times, but he always had tears in he eyes. He eyes would be glued to de roof. Sumt’ing pun de roof had he attention. Grandmother use to go and sid down next to he and hold he two hand. She would shut she two eyes and pray. But no matter how much praying Grandmother do, Grandfather neva stap cry. Grandmother eyes used to look real sad, but no water neva come out. Mommy seh when a woman wan’ cry and she can’ cry, it does hu’t up all she insides. Grandmother seh Grandfather need to go de doctor.

One night when Grandfather get up to pee, Grandmother seh:

‘Charlie, you arite.’

‘Ah arite Claudette, is just pee Ah get up to pee.’

‘Ya sure? Come in ya bed now nah, is over a year now Junior dead, why ya don’ come and sleep?’

‘Claudette Ah can’ left ma son.’

‘Charlie, me ain’t wan’ leff he neither, but God don’ tek he.’

‘God ain’t tek he, he deh in dis chair Claudette, me son deh right in dis chair.’

Grandmother come out de room, grab Grandfather, haist he up and brace he pun de wall. Grandfather look like a dolly, Ah couldn’t even recognise Grandfather. He de looking at Grandmother, but he eyes din see she.

‘Charlie you gat to stap dis t’ing man, you frightening dem lil chirren in de house, is whole dey you deh crying, go pun de farm and wuk lil nah, ease ya mind.’

Grandfather ain’t answer she. She shake he up as if he gat a spirit in he and de shaking woulda get de spirit out. De shaking ain’t wuk, Grandfather still din talk. After dat night, Grandfather neva talk again. Dem din had no hallering in de house no mo’. Ah wish he coulda talk again. De next week Grandmother bring a doctor, he tek Grandfather pressure and seh it low. He seh Grandfather need to start eating properly again and he gee Grandmother some medication fuh he. Everynight, Grandmother used to give he de medication. Grandfather used to swallow it and sleep. Grandfather used to willingly tek de medication. Grandmother would come over in me room and hug me up. Ah never like nobody hugging me up in de night cah de place used to hot, but Ah leh Grandmother hug me up, cah Ah know she used to feel better.

A morning me alone geh leff with Grandfather. Mommy went and shop fuh clothes. Auntie Romona cai me cousins to church and Grandmother went and buy greens. A strange t’ing happen in de house. Grandfather get up and it wasn’t to use de tailet.. He walk up to me and gee me a kiss pun me cheeks and smile. Grandfather ain’t smile in a lang time. After he kiss me, he grab me hand so tight, it start h’ut – but me ain’t seh nun. Ah feel he had to hold unto someone. Ah was de only person dere fuh he hold unto. He go in de kitchen and mek some milk and eggs fuh me. He watch me eat it. A see a smile and a tear roll down he face. Mommy seh not all tears bad and sometimes is tears o’ joy. Grandfather look happy to me. When Ah done eat, he wash me cup and plate. Ah walk up to Grandfather and hug he from behind. Grandfather start stroke me hands with he fingers, and seh, ‘Ah t’ink Ah wan’ go wid de lil mud and feed some cherry trees. Ah wan’ contemplate in de wilderness.’ He den turn ‘round and squeeze me. Ah feel like if he power and strength de coming back and Ah feel so happy cah Ah de praying Grandfather could stap feel sad. God de finally answering me prayers. When he loose me, one side of he lip smile. Ah never see one side o’ nobody lip smile before. It look so strange. ‘Go back and watch TV Tommy,’ a leff stun, stun when Grandfather talk. Das de fuss time he talk since Grandmother shake he. He start pull some rope out from under de kitchen sink. Grandfather went in he bedroom and lock de door. Ah feel a lil breeze raise up me skin, when he shut de door. Ah start feel scared, scared and like Ah wish Mommy or Grandmother or somebody woulda come home. Ah went back to watch cartoons, but Ah din focusing pun it. Me eyes keep looking at de door. It jus’ keep staring and Ah din know why. Fifteen minutes lata, Grandmother come home and ask weh Grandfather deh. Ah point to de bedroom. When Grandmother see de bedroom door lock, she run to it fast, fast. She knock at de door, Grandfather ain’t answer. She knock again, he still ain’t answer. She start bam down de door and halla out he name, but Grandfather ain’t talk. She bend down and look underneath de door. Grandmother halla so hard dat we Neighbour Pauline come running over. Dey bruk down de door and Grandmother rush inside. She halla mo’ hard when she reach in. Ah din move Ah jus sid down deh and me ain’t move. Ah de want move but Ah couldn’t. Ma body start rise up slow, slow and ma two foot start move slowly. When Ah reach, Grandmother went pun de floor. Grandfather went up in de air. Ah de wan’ cry, but Ah couldn’t cry and all mah insides start hutting. If Ah de hold on pun Grandfather and hug he up tight, Grandmother woulda neva see Grandfather in de air.
© 2017. 

Daniel

Daniel

By 

Jane Pierce

Daniel used to mek me laugh and Ah de like when he come ‘round. He de tall, red and he hands de always black with grease. He used to look older dan he age. He face de deep with wrinkles and underneath he eyes had a set o’ lines. Daniel was only 30, but he does look like 45. Daniel was a mechanic. He used to wuk wid de man next door. Daniel seh how he boss man does pay good and how he gat nuff, nuff money. When Old Mommy adopt Daniel, it feel like he was apart o’ de family, but Daniel always sehing, ‘Ah don’ belong hay. Ah ain’t belong noway, me home is in de next life.’ Ah de ask Daniel wha’ next life he talking ‘bout. Daniel seh, ‘De one dat don’ punish ya, de one where darkness is a good thing.’ Ah feel it musbe Auntie Romona, who used to mek Daniel feel like he is nah we family. She use to geh vex when Daniel come ‘round. ‘Wha’ he doing ‘round hay,’ Auntie Romona always used to seh. Dat was she favourite t’ing to seh when Daniel was around.. Daniel used to move away when he hear Auntie Romona coming. She was de only person, who coulda mek Daniel feel bad ‘bout heself. A time Mommy tell Auntie Romona, ‘Ah know de bai do wrang thing in he life, but everytime he come ‘round Romona you ain’t gat to push it in he face.’ Auntie Roman suck she teeth and seh, ‘Try deh with ayo thiefman.’ Daniel drop he head to he chest when Auntie Romona seh dat. Mommy tell Daniel fuh don’ bodda wid Auntie Romona, but Ah don’ t’ink he coulda do dat. Mommy and Daniel used to gaff nuff. Ah figure it was cah he had de same skin colour like she. Mommy was fair. De rest o’ she siblings de brown skin or black. Ah always wonder why Mommy de fair and all she brother and sister din stay suh. Ah de ask Grandmother a time but she geh vex and chase me out de bedroom. Adults like keep t’ings from lil chirren fuh some reason — it wasn’t a bad question to me. One time Ah ask Daniel why Mommy suh fair. Daniel seh, ‘Boy is different sword went in de hole.’

‘Daniel wha’ madness ya talking.’

Daniel smile at me and seh, ‘it muss be nice fuh be a chil’ nah.’

‘Nah really, we does geh licks.’

‘Licks nah, but yall does geh taken care of and plus people love ayo, when ya geh big nuff people ain’t gat time fuh love ya. Lemme tell ya dis, don’ hurry fuh grow up, ya gon see t’ings dat ya not suppose to see and ya gon feel t’ings dat ya ain’t wan’ feel in dis life bai.’

‘T’ings like wha’ Daniel?’

‘When ya geh big and yah wan’ have man to man talk, we gon talk ‘bout dem t’ings.’

‘Wha’ age Ah gat to be Daniel?’

‘Das a good question Tommy, some chirren is don adults, I turn adult when I was ‘bout 9.’

‘Daniel yah got to be mo’ big fuh be adult, don’ tell me no stupitness.’

Daniel used to always seh strange things and den he’d light he cigarette, smoke and look away. Sometimes it used to feel like he forget Ah was next to he. De good t’ing was, he hardly used to behave suh all de time. Most o’ de times Daniel used to deh pun nuff kicks. Other dan Sharmona and Auntie Charlene, Daniel was de only adult, who never tell me do dis and do dat. He used to bring corn curls, sweety, chico, plantain chips and mek jokes wid me. Ah never see Daniel geh vex, so Ah coulda be meself ‘round he. De only time Daniel used to geh lil moody was ‘round Christmas time. He seh he hated Christmas and he don’ believe in Jesus, cah he mother dead pun Christmas day. Ah din know how fuh t’ink or feel ‘bout dat. Mommy de tell Daniel how is not Jesus mek he mother dead pun Christmas day. Daniel suck he teeth and seh, ‘Jesus is a cross.’ Das de only time a see lil anger in he and before dat, a din t’ink he even know how to geh mad, cah he was always so playful. Ah remember one time Daniel come and jeer de shop seller when he buy butter. Daniel mek he voice like a gurl, bend he wrist, wiggle he fingers, put de next hand pun he hip and tip-toe like if he wearing high-heels. He seh, ‘would you like one lump or two lumps of butter.’ Ah used to laugh so hard when Daniel do dat thing. Me Grandmother used to laugh at de joke too and den seh, ‘but dey see dis bai behaving so from lang, and dem ain’t try to correct he, ow man.’ Daniel seh, ‘ya can’ correct dat.’

Ah t’ink me favourite joke Dat Daniel used to mek was about smelly Samantha. She use to go and call me Uncle Junior at turning point. Daniel would cock out he bamzie, push out he chest like he geh bobby, walk, fast, fast and seh, ‘Deen boy is wha’ you doing here so late drinking, you suppose to be home with you woman and you deh drinking, is wha’ wrang wid you Deen boy.’ Daniel seh he used to feel sorry fuh me uncle, cah de bitch used to come and embarrass he in front o’ all he friends. Mommy used to always ask Daniel to imitate Smelly Samantha. He used to always deh kicksing out wid she. De only time Daniel neva wan’ talk, was when Mommy used to always bodda he ‘bout gun. Daniel de finally answer mommy, after she ask he bout a hundred times.

‘you still gat gun?’

‘Ya ain’t tired asking me dah gurl?’

‘Daniel who Ah gon tell?’ Daniel turn away he face from Mommy. Is like Daniel de hoping dat she forget de question.

‘Wam Daniel you nah gon answer de question?’

‘No gurl, Ah ain’t got gun no mo.’

‘It was simple question Daniel, meeno wha’ you shame fuh.’

‘Whaeva gurl.’

‘You ever kill anybody?’

‘Gurl, like you don’ fed up?’

‘Wam Ah jus’ wan’ know?’

Daniel de look sad when Mommy ask de question. Ah din wan’ she ask Daniel no mo’ question, but Ah de wan’ know if Daniel ever kill anybody too. Daniel look down at de ground, kick some bricks and den answer. ‘I kill people yes...but I couldn’t really avoid dat and in me line o’ wuk, sometimes you does gat to do t’ings you ain’t wan’ do. I didn’t wan’ kill nobody, I didn’t like killing dem people, but I had to do it.’ Ah coulda feel Daniel strain heself to seh dat. He and Mommy stap talk and all yah coulda hear was de crickets chirping. Mommy slap a mosquito pun she hand and break de silence.

‘Ah like you Daniel, Ah glad you ain’t deh pun dem nonsense no mo’.

‘Nah I don wid dah, too much headache, and jail is not a nice place to be.’

‘Ah glad ya know dat.’ De place geh silent again. No mosquito ain’t come dis time. Daniel walk away, went across de road, sid down pun a stump and smoke a cigarette. Mommy din even call he back. Is like she de know to leff he alone. Ah keep staring at de small light pun he cigarette, other dan dat cigarette light ya coulda neva tell a man sid down pun a stump. De place de jus’ dark dark.

Ah de still like Daniel even after Ah find out he kill some people. He look sorry to me and Old Mommy seh, ‘If ya really sorry fuh something God gon low ya in heaven.’ Everybody used to always judge Daniel cuz he was a thief before, but Ah know Daniel wasn’t no thief no mo’. He de tell me how he done with dem things and he really trying to change. Ah tell Daniel das good and thiefing not nice.

‘Yeah I know, but ya circumstances does mek you do some things sometimes bai.’

‘Circumstances Daniel?’

‘Oh, das when ya ain’t gat money fuh live in ya own house and buy ya own food.’ Ah feel real bad fuh Daniel. A man should get always geh food and he own house. But den, Ah t’ink about it and Grandmother used to always gee Daniel food, plus Old Mommy neva mind if Daniel sleep in de house. So Ah din really believe dat Daniel had bad cirumstances, Ah de just feel he used to like thief. But he de different now. Thiefman coulda never be as nice as Daniel. When Daniel Cigarette light disappear, Ah couldn’t tell if he still on de stump or if he move. Ah stop wonder if he still sid down pun dat stump and go in ma bed.

De next morning, a loud rapping, jump me outta me sleep.

‘Is who’s dat pun dis early marning man.’ Auntie Romona seh, while rubbing she eyes. Ah follow Auntie Romona and it was Daniel Boss man and a police.

‘Daniel deh hay?’ De policeman seh.

‘He don’ live hay? Why, wha’ happen?’

‘Ya know after Ah treat dat man suh nice, he come in ma house, thief out all ma money and gone away wid all ma tools?’

‘Well, you din know Daniel was a good fuh not;ing and a thief? Oh but ya wan’ give he chance?’

Old Mommy come out she bedroom when she hear de commotion. Auntie Romona de talking loud.

‘Romona is wha’ happen?’

‘Not’ing Mommy, ya nephew jus thief up he employer’s t’ings.’

Old Mommy sid down in de chair and look at de man. She ain’t seh a word. It was Old Mommy, who help Daniel geh de job. She de beg de boss man to gee Daniel de job. Old Mommy de seh, ‘ Daniel turning he life around.’

‘Muds when Ah find Daniel, Ah gon tek more dan ma money ya know?’ Daniel boss man seh.

‘Don’ break not’ing fuh he, is still me son, ow, Ah really pray to God to guide he, but like de devil jus’ wuking.’

‘Is not de devil Muds, is he alone do de thiefing.’ 
© Copyright 2017

Me fuss Fineral

Me fuss Fineral

By Jane Pierce

Ah wake up to me Auntie crying. She face de wet wid tears and she eyes de puffy puffy. Ah hold Auntie hands and ask she,‘Auntie Romona wha’ happen?’

‘Ya uncle dead dis marning Tommy.’

Ah turn ma head away from Auntie, dunk it in ma pillow and began to halla. Ah wanted to beat she at hallering. When Ah halla, Auntie start halla mo’ bad and Ah couldn’t leh dat happen, so Ah increase de volume. It was a lot o’ fun, Ah never had so much fun hallering in me life and de best part was – Ah couldn’t even geh licks for it. Today hallering was de t’ing in de house. It wasn’t Auntie alone hallering, de whole family de hallering, Ah coulda hear dem through de bedroom door. Me Auntie start turn me face and Ah couldn’t leh she see me with no tears in me eyes. Ah tek ma finger put spit on ma hand and dab it under me eyes, before Auntie turn me. Me Auntie look at me fuh a lil while when she see me face, like she de searching fuh sum’ting. Auntie place she fingers on me cheek and start fuh rub it. She check she fingers and look harder at me. Oh Shucks! She woulda know Ah was faking. Nah, but Ah fool she, cah she just place me face in she belly and continue crying.

When we come out de bedroom, everybody had dem eyewater and some o’ dem eyes de red red. Ah feel good that all a we de crying. Mommy come and hug me and ask me if Ah arite. Ah seh yeah and den she mek me breakfast. Mommy gee me butter and bread, Ah sid down and pick, pick at de bread and try ma best to look sad. When nobody din looking Ah would put nuff mo’ spit on ma hand and rub under me eyes. But nobody din notice me.

Later in de afternoon, Mommy, Grandmother and me two Auntie began to plan de fineral and Ah was excited cah Ah never went to a fineral before. Ah know dis one woulda be a lot o’ fun. Ah de already went to couple weddings – people in me family like geh married, but nuff Ah dem don’ dead too much. De weddings used to geh nuff food and dancing up, plus Ah used to go outside and play ketcha in de grass with ma cousins Sarah and Bupin. Death to me de seem like a mo’ big thing, so Ah figure de place where de fineral woulda tek place, had much more space to play and have fun.

Me uncle de real sick, before he dead. Ah din really know it was from wha’, but Mommy and me Auntie seh, it was he girlfriend Smelly Samantha dat mek he sick. Smelly Samantha is de name Daniel de gee she. Daniel geh adopted by Old Mommy, she is me Great Grandmother. Ah gee she de name Old Mommy, and she hated dat name so much, but de name stuck and everybody used to call she dat.

Ah jus din know wha’ fuh call she, Ah had me own Mommy and Ah couldn’t call she Grandmother, cah Ah de done geh a Grandmother, and Great Grandmother way too long, so Ah jus’ decide to call she Old Mommy. Old Mommy din cry though, Ah figure nuff people dead fuh she and she din had to really cry. She husband de dead only two years back or so. She and all din like Smelly Samantha and Old Mommy de like everybody.

Ah neva could remember somebody, who smell so stink like Samantha. She used to bade and so, cah a does see when she come out de bathroom, but Samantha used to still smell stink. Ah remember one time barrel de come down fuh we and everybody crowd up in de room and Samantha fumes de bunning me nose bad, bad, bad.

Auntie Romana close de barrel and seh, “arite everybody out de room, ya’ll too much in hay.” And all a we left and when Samantha leff de house Auntie open up back de barrel. “Oh gawd Ah had to close it, Samantha smell real bad, a din able wid de scent. She gat to visit de doctor to figure out wha’ gah she smelling so bad.” Ah feel bad fuh Samantha and dat night Ah pray to God dat she could stop smell stink and people wouldn’t mind she ‘round dem.

Dat same morning when Uncle Junior dead, Ah de ask me Mommy, wha’ was de thing dat kill Uncle Junior but she seh Ah too small fuh understand. Ah din able bodda she nuff – cah Ah know she wouldn’t tell me. It was some strange sickness dat Smelly Samantha had dat kill he. Ah hear she de talking to Uncle lil before he dead while outside drinking ma tea.

“Junior you believe dem t’ing dem people sehing, you honestly believe Ah could give you dis t’ing, meen sleep wid no bugga man.” Samantha de seh.

“But how Ah geh dis t’ing, Ah never sleep with nobody else, man Samantha Ah gon dead, but wha’ Ah gon do, Ah gon dead, so Ah can’ even geh vex, look how Ah weak.”

Ah feel lil good Ah neva sleep with Samantha, or a bugga man, cah a din wan’ dead. A din really know wha’ was a bugga man, but meen t’ink Ah sleep wid one. Ah feel a bugga man, musbe one a de junkie in town and das why Samantha does smell so stink. Ah think was de stinkness kill me uncle, dat had to be de t’ing – but de t’ing is, me uncle neva smell stink, so Ah lil confused, but adults does confuse me sum’times. Maybe Samantha din sleep wid a bugga man and is nah she mek he geh sick.

But meeno, Adults does confuse me nuff, like Mommy and me Auntie de planning on beating Samantha if she come to de fineral, and Ah know dey woulda never wan’ me plan to beat nobody. Ah hear dem talking in de kitchen. Ah din wan Samantha come, she mighta de spoil de fineral and so Ah pray to God dat Samantha din come.

Later in de night, me uncle Joshua come and he seh how he hear Ah behave bad dis marning. Ah feel proud that he hear duh, it felt good fuh behave bad. And he start sing a song, “dance fuh me nah, dance fuh me nah, dance fuh me nah,” And so Ah start dance up and geh nuff attention.

But den Ah see smelly Samantha, and as soon as she enter de house. Me Auntie Romona and Mommy start cuss she and like Ah de frighten fuh Samantha, but she run out quick. And when she pass we, me uncle seh, “Dat girl deh is a good Judas.” Ah din even know wha’ was a good Judas, Ah jus feel real bad fuh Smelly Samantha.

When de fineral time come, Ah mek sure dat Ah look good. Shirt de tuck in and everyt’ing. When we reach, uncle was in a box. He din look so much like me uncle though, he look like sumt’ing else and Ah thought we went at de wrang body, but everybody de crying over he, so Ah guess ya does change up when ya dead. Ah was jus’ looking ‘round at everybody face and Ah de smiling a lot, Ah was at me fuss fineral and Ah know Ah wasn’t going to forget it. But it wasn’t cah it de fun or anything like dat, it was jus’ boring, jus’ nuff crying and suh. Ah thought it woulda be mo’ fun. Ah set me expectation too high musbe. Ah couldn’t even fake cry and pretend to be sad all Ah had was a stupit smile pun me face and den we family friend, Sharmona, saw me and she keep staring at me. Is like she couldn’t understand why Ah de smiling, and so Ah stop smile, and Ah try not to show emotion. De fineral was really not’ing like wha’ Ah de expect, it was jus a chokey square space, couple dead bodies in boxes and families de crying. No lil chirren din running ‘round, dem din had no grass to play ketcha. In fact, if ya de run outside it was a good chance a mini-bus woulda collect ya and scramble ya brains pun de road. Some mini-bus would slow down and de people would peep in to see who dead. Is like dey de fascinated with people dressed in black and crying fuh dead people. Ah din understand why dey had so much fun staring in though. It wasn’t a fun place to be, but adults like do weird t’ings. One o’ de weirdest t’ings was everybody de spraying a setta pufume over de dead. Nobody don’ smell dead people, so meeno why dey need pufume. Dead people don’ go out. But Ah guess people wan’ mek sure dey soul smell good before dey go to God, but wha’ if dey go to Satan? Ah wonda if Satan like de same pufume as God. Ah t’ink when Ah dead, Ah wan’ me family put ice in me box. So if Ah go to hell, Ah could cool down lil bit. Meen wan’ pufume dat could raise up de flames. Me and Bupin used to spray pufume pun Daniel lighter, so Ah know wha’ it could do. Plus de pufume was hutting up me head and Ah couldn’t wait for di fineral to finish. De next day at breakfast, everybody de mo’ relax and suh.

Me Auntie Romona seh, “Well leh Ah give yall this joke nah, so de marning when Junior dead, Ah go in Tommy room and when Ah wake Tommy up and tell he dat he uncle dead, de bai start scream and so dat mek Ah feel terrible, so Ah start cry mo’ harder, but when Ah turn de bai face, it dry, dry, dry.”

And everybody start laugh. Ah laugh too, but Ah din laugh cah it was funny. Ah de jus feel shame nd all dat attention mek Ah wan’ cry, so Ah ask to go to de tailet. Ah tek a seat and jus so — Ah start crying. Auntie Romona come and see me crying. ‘Is now de death ketch ya nah bai?’ She seh. Ah shake me head and seh yes. Auntie check me cheeks wid she fingers and smile. Dis time, Ah know Ah fool dem fuh real and nobody coulda laugh at me again. 
© 2017. 

Suriname Monkey Shoes and The Crappo

Suriname Monkey Shoes and The Crappo

by 

Jane Pierce

Suriname Monkey and Short Circuit was Grandfather only two friends. Dem used to come over when cricket de showing. Grandfather neva use dey real names. He seh Suriname Monkey ugly, so das how he geh de name. Suriname Monkey de short and black. He face had nuff holes and he lips de black, black and cracky. Grandfather seh is he wife Gloria gat he looking suh. Grandfather seh, ‘Suriname Monkey stupit, cah he should know when fuh go and search fuh better pudding.’ He seh it gon be hard fuh Suriname Monkey, but sum women considerate. Grandfather seh, ‘Short Circuit was a electrician, but he could neva mek a light bulb wuk.’ Short Circuit de tall and skinny, he had a small tiny mouth and he neva tek off he red cap. Grandfather seh Suriname Monkey does talk fuh all three o’ dem. Is true too, Suriname Monkey mouth use to run like wata. Nuff time Grandfather would tell he shut up. Suriname Monkey use to geh quiet and den start talk again, Grandfather would seh shut up again, Suriname Monkey use to geh quiet again and den talk again. Suriname Monkey use to ask nuff questions. Nobody neva used to answer he. It wasn’t Suriname Monkey talking which use to bodda me though, it was he foot. Suriname Monkey foot used to smell like dead rat and rank fish mix up together. From de time ya enter de house, de whole living room used to smell rank. Not even a bottle o’ air freshner coulda kill de scent. One time Mommy try spraying and it mek de smell raise up and even Grandfather and Short Circuit had to leave de house. De scent neva used to really bodda dem. Grandmother seh, de three o’ dem stink alike. Grandfather tell she, ‘de man foot don’ smell so bad and how she meking a big issue outta nothing.’

A time, me cousin Sarah de visit. She ain’t know it was Suriname Monkey foot de smelling up de place. We de wan’ she smell Suriname Monkey shoes. She woulda geh de scent flush and we coulda geh a laugh. Bupin carry we in de verandah fuh play cards. Bupin seh, ‘we can’ leh she smell de shoes right away, cah it gon look strange. We gah fuh groove she in.’ When de game meet half way, Bupin seh:

‘Eh Tommy, you hear dat?’

‘Hear what Bupin?’

‘Grandmother calling Sarah.’

‘Me ain’t hear not’ing’, yall lying to me.’

‘Wha’ Ah gon lie to ya fuh gurl, you ain’t gah believe me yah know, when Grandmother come out hay, don’ gah not’ing fuh tell me.’ When Bupin Seh dat, Sarah go in de house. Sarah return with she lips pout out. ‘Grandmother ain’t calling me, yall is some liards.’ Bupin seh,‘We sorry man, but look ya husband, Morris passing.’ Sarah eyes geh big and watery. Ah use to feel lil sorry fuh she, but Ah still used to laugh. De neighbourhood used to call Morris, ‘Mad Man Morris.’ Morris hair neva comb and he always gat a bottle o’ rum in he hand. He used to dance and stagger down de road midday time. He clothes always dirty and he neva had a slipper pun he foot. Ah wonda why Morris family neva send he de doctor, so he coulda stop be mad. A guess dey geh accustom to Morris madness and it stap bodda dem. If ya see sum’ting over and over again, it don’ bodda ya no mo’. Ah used to feel sorry fuh Morris, but Ah realise even though Morris mad – he was always happy. Morris does always be smiling and is like not’ing don bodda he. He ain’t gah bodda about ‘being good and going to heaven. Morris probably neva even hear ‘bout being good to reach heaven. A time Morris de pass by we house and he smile at Sarah. Bupin ask she, ‘like das ya boyfriend or wha?’ Sarah buss out a cry. Since den, everytime Morris pass, we used to seh, ‘Sarah, Sarah, look ya husband passing.’ Tears would start flowing from she eyes. She used to go and complain to Grandmother. Grandmother seh, ‘You bodda with dem stupidee boys, look how you pretty, you really t’ink ya gon marry mad man Morris?’ De girl use to sour up she face fuh couple minutes and den she’d come back and play.

When Sarah done cry, Bupin tell she, ‘watch, if yuh smell Suriname Monkey Shoes, we gon neva trouble you bout mad man Morris again.’

‘Ya lying.’

‘Ah ain’t lying, Ah promise, Ah cross ma heart, Ah swear pun ma Mother grave.’ Even though Bupin sound like he de telling de truth, Ah know he de lying, but Sarah believe he. Sarah tek she time and walk to de shoe. With every step we tek, de smell de bunning up we nose. Sarah de frighten fuh pick up de shoe. Bupin push Sarah closer to de shoe. De shoes had pieces o’ toilet paper inside along with Suriname Monkey colour colour socks.

‘Arite Sarah, yah ain’t gat fuh smell it fuh long, yah gon jus’ pick up de shoes and smell it fuh three seconds and den ya gon put it down back, yah could do it.’Bupin seh.

Sarah close she eyes tight, tight like if wicked picture showing pun tv. She lift de shoe to she nosehole and smell it. She drop de shoe and run to de backyard and start vomit up. Ah feel bad we mek she smell dat shoes. Even Bupin look lil frighten and not’ing don’ scare he. Ah t’ink das de wuss t’ing Ah ever do. Ah din really like dat we mek Sarah vomit. Me han’ geh dry and Ah could feel me nerves rattling in me body. Ah know dis sin woulda geh add pun me name and God woulda punish me bad. Auntie Romona seh when God come fuh he worl’ he gon raise up de dead and judge all a we. She seh, he knows all a we sin, cah he always watching. She seh de mo’ sin we commit de hotter de fire gon be in hell. Ah t’ink dis sin could mek me reach to de wuss fire in hell, Ah start t’inking bout missing me Mother and all me Family. And den a realise Sarah de going and complain pun we and is some serious licks we de looking at. Ah geh frighten, frighten, Ah suppose to be de goodest cousin, but now, Mommy, Auntie Romona and Grandmother woulda beat me. Dem woulda seh how Ah’s a bad chil’ and Ah gat to pray hard fuh forgiveness. Sometimes Ah use to wonda, if God gon forgive ma wicked ways. But we de getting fun and if Ah de din help Bupin, he mighta de stap play me. When Sarah done vomit, she give we two hot box. It lef’ we stupidy, cah Sarah don’ nack people.

‘Ah going and tell Grandmother pun yall, yall gon geh licks today.’

‘you can’ tell pun we,’ Bupin seh.

‘Who seh?’

Bupin realise Sarah din joking and so he try fuh t’ink of sum’ting quick to distract she.

‘Look, look, we gon do sum’thing’ fun,’ he seh.

‘Yall smell he shoe and lick it up and den Ah nah gon talk.’

‘Man Sarah das cruel, how you gon mek we lick Suriname Monkey shoes, yah wan’ we dead?’ Sarah turn ‘round and start run to Grandmother.

‘Alrite! Alrite! Wait!’ Bupin seh.

‘Ah waiting.’ Bupin walk to Sarah, put he hand round she shoulder and start smile wid she.

‘So de neighbour always wan’ coffee from me and nah all de time Ah does wan’ ask Grandmother fuh coffee, so Ah does thief lil sum’times.’

‘Thief bai, you wan’ go to hell?’ Sarah seh.

‘Yah can’ go to hell if yah ask fuh forgiveness, like you don’ pay attention in Sunday School. Yall lil chirren gat nuff fuh learn.’ Bupin den pull me and Sarah in a carna and whisper:

‘Here wha’ we gon do, we gon search fuh de fattest crappo we could find and we gon put it in de container dat Ah does put she coffee in and as soon as she open it, de crappo gon jump out pun she.’ Sarah start laugh and seh, ‘Alrite good, ya lucky Ah like this idea.’

‘Good, so both o’ yall gon help me ketch de crappo?’ Bupin send me in de house fuh de container. When Ah come back, he seh, ‘Good, we gon go at de back yard by de septic tank, nuff Crappo dere, yall gon chase dem out and Ah gon collect it in dis container.’

‘Why you don’ chase it out?’

‘Arite Sarah, Ah gon chase it out, de two o’ yall wait here and ketch it.’

Sarah suck she teeth and seh, ‘Bai Tommy, come leh we ga lang and geh dese crappos.’ Me and Sarah mek we way to de septic tank and musbe bout 5 crappos come jumping out. Bupin snatch ‘bout three Crappo and put dem in de container.

‘Ya sure yah wan’ give neighbour dese Crappos?’ Ah ask Bupin.

‘Wam, like ya frighten or wha?’

‘Yeah, like ya frighten or wha?’ Sarah seh.

‘No, Ah look frighten to you?’

‘Good, well come leh we ga lang and give dis woman she coffee.’ Ah de lil frighten we coulda geh bad licks. Bupin coulda tell Ah de frighten.

‘Tommy, don’ worry bai, she can’ complain, cah is she mek Ah thief. If she complain, she gon look bad.’ Dat mek Ah feel lil better.

‘Ya early man and yuh bring ya cousins?’ Neighbour Pauline look at we and smile. ‘Thanks fuh de coffee, Ah only gat five sweety today, but tomorrow Ah gon give you de rest.’

‘Is arite Auntie, ya could keep it.’

‘It heavy man, like yuh bring some extra coffee Bupin.’

‘Yes Auntie is a special kind dat Grandmother buy.’

When Auntie buss open de bag, de crappos jump out.

‘dese fucking chirren Ah gon beat alyuh muddascunt.’ We bruk out from de neighbour yard. Sarah had nuff fun and she de already forgetting we mek she smell Suriname Monkey shoe. Ah feel good dat Sarah had fun, but Ah still feel bad dat Ah mek she smell Suriname Monkey Shoes. Ah de even feel bad dat we gee Auntie Pauline Crappo and it mek she geh so vex and cuss we. Ah feel so bad dat me heart start hu’t and fuh de rest o’ de day, Ah had to pretend real hard dat Ah had fun, until Ah start geh tired and seh a wan’ go sleep. 
© 2017. 

Penis

Penis

By Jane Pierce

‘Go and bade ya skin bai, jus’ now we gah fuh leff and go in town, Ah ain’t able wid de town hustle,’ Mommy de jus fatiguing me ears. ‘Is Saturday and de Barbershop gon gat nuff people. If Ah leff ya and ga lang ‘bout me business ya don’ like dat.’ Ah de watching Thundercats and dey de jus ‘bout to meet up de bad man, when Mommy plug out de TV. Ah coulda cry. When me and me friends come together, we’d pretend dat we’s Thundercats and fight de bad man, but since nobody neva like being de bad man, we’d pretend he in de sky. We’d mek airplanes and pitch dem up in de air fuh tek down de bad man. But me plane coulda neva reach far and everybody use to be so busy meking dey own plane, so Ah use to leff pun me own. ‘Eah bai, Ah seh go and bade ya skin!’ Mommy jug me outta ma seat. She face de red like a ripe mango and Ah know if Ah din move to de downstairs pipe is one cut tail Ah de getting. Mommy stand up and stare me down so much, it de only leff fuh she eyeball jump at me. She hand de tapping hard pun she legs and she right leg de tapping fast, fast pun de floor. She look like a giant trying to bruk through de ground. Ah try not to look at she – if ya look at adults when dey vex, dem does wan’ share licks. Yah does gat to put ya head down and don’ seh nun, so dey could feel good ‘bout deyself. If ya stand up and look dem in de eye, dem does lash ya. And when dem sen’ ya fuh do sum’ting, ya best move fast or ya gon feel a leder belt or a whip across ya bamzie, and if ya unlucky a whip across ya head. If de whip ketch ya too hard, it could h’ut fuh days. Den dem gon ask ya, ‘Ah gee ya sumt’ing fuh cry fuh?’ Ah does wan’ seh yes, yah ain’t beat meh, but Ah know to meself Ah woulda geh slap up. So Ah does suck in de cry and feel bad inside, while de licks bun through mah skin. When dem done, dey does seh, ‘ya larn ya lesson now?’

‘Yes.’ Ah’d reply. Sumtimes Ah does forget wha’ Ah geh licks fuh and dem does geh vex and double de dose to remind meh, but dat neva use to wuk. After a while, it stop h’ut and din bother me, but Ah still coulda feel it. Ah din like dat dey thought Ah de bad and not a good chil’.

When Ah reach downstairs by de pipe, and start bade me skin, me willy start rise up. Ah never tell nobody me willy use to geh hard. Ah never understand how it used to wuk. No wait! One time Ah de tell me cousin, Stacy. She start laugh at me and mek Ah feel bad, so Ah din tell back nobody when me willy start fuh shoot up. De thing used to geh hard, hard when Ah see two people kissing pun TV. Ah figure Das why adults used to cover ya eye when dem t’ing showing, cah ya willy not suppose to get hard. It used to be hard when Ah wake up too. De thing does feel stiff, stiff and Ah used to try and bend it down before Ah pee, but de thing jus’ use to bounce up back. When is time fuh go tailet, Ah used to pee pun de seat and all over de floor. It wasn’t me fault though, willy hard fuh control when it hard. De women in de house would dig licks in me skin when Ah pee pun de seat. Is almost every morning Ah used to geh licks, till Ah jus geh fed up and start pee outside. Ah feel dem couldn’t understand how hard it is to use dat thing in de morning. Dem ain’t gat one. All dey gat to do is sid down, so dem ain’t gat no problem wid spraying.

Ah start observe me willy closely while soaping up me belly. Dis t’ing jus look so strange, and to me it jus don’ look like a willy, it too weird to have such a simple name. It don’ look like ah loli either, or a birdie. Ah think birdie is de stupitest name me Auntie Romona coulda call it. It don’ even resemble a bird. Ah neva see no bird geh hard hard and then geh back soft. Willies don’ have no bird beak, so why call it birdie? Ah de really wan’ know fuh find out Dis t’ing name. De right name, nah know mek up name dese adults does tell chirren.

When Ah done bade and put on ma clothes, Ah went straight to ma Auntie and ah ask she, “wha is de real name for willy?”

‘Penis.’ she seh.

‘Penis?’

‘Yes.’

‘But it don’ look like a penis?

‘Ah din name it penis, so meeno wha’ else you wan’ Ah call it?’

Ah din like she explanation, it don’ look like a penis. To me, is like if God mek we hand, foot, eyes, nose and every other body part and couple days later he invite some aliens and dey mek de penis. Das how different it use to feel from de rest Ah me body. Dis thing in name penis, it coulda never name penis. Da word ain’t even mek sense. Ah know this t’ing got a special name, a big fancy name and me Auntie jus waiting fuh Ah get lil mo’ big fuh tell me de word. Ah din able wait, fuh turn a adult, Ah had to find out de correct name. So Ah plan to ask Mr. Raper when Ah come home from de Barber. He does normally pass we house in de afternoon.

Mr. Raper is a tall old man with round glasses. All he hair pun he hands grey and he always gat a big round hat pun he head, so ya coulda never see at de top of it. Mr. Raper does ride a big silver bike and it gat a bell he does ring loud, loud, so ya always know when he passing. He use to share sweety out to me and ma cousins after he gee we bitters to drink. He was de only person, who coulda gee we fuh drink bitters. Plus he used to gee money based on old you was. Ah din so big and Mr. Raper seh me ain’t gat use fuh money, so Ah never geh any. Me cousin, Stacy, used to always laugh when ya call de man name. Grandmother seh how she gat dem big dutty laugh and how she should control she self. Ah agree with Grandmother, when Stacy laugh it used to mek Ah feel lil uncomfortable. She whole mouth used to open and she belly used to lift up and come back in. She bobby used to look like it woulda pop out she shirt. Ah think dat was de best part o’ de laugh. Ah used to wan’ she bobby pop out, but dat neva happen. Das a next t’ing dat mek me willy geh hard, bobby.

‘Mr. Raper, Mr. Raper, Mr. Raper!’ Ah shout.

‘Young fella, are you going to drink some extra bitters today?’

‘No, Mr. Raper, but Ah wan’ ask ya sum’ting.’

‘What is it you want ask me?’

‘Wha’ is de right name fuh Willy?’

Mr. Raper pull down he glasses and look at me. Fuh Ah moment Ah thought Ah do somet’ing wrang, he neva look at me so before. Den he laugh and seh, ‘Penis.’

‘But Tommy, your parents never told you the right name for it?’

‘No, Mr. Raper. Ya sure Das wha ya does call it?’

‘Dat’s the name dey call it, it doesn’t matter whether it look like a penis or not, it’s a penis.’

‘Alrite.’ Ah feel so strange, like Ah de so excited to hear de name o’ me willy and Ah get so disappointed. Ah drink Mr. Raper bitters and den he ask,

‘Good, what sweety you want today, green, blue or red?’

‘Mr. Raper why yah does always ask dah when yah know Ah like mah sweety mix up?’

‘Sometimes people change their mind.’

‘Not me Mr. Raper.’ A collect me sweety and head back inside. When Ah reach in de house, Auntie Romona seh:

‘Hello, come hay.’ She talk it softly and slowly, she face de serious. Whenever she talk like dat, it means lil chirren in trouble.

‘Wha’ you went and ask dat big man?’ Me ain’t answer she.

‘Hello, Ah ask you a question, is what you went and ask dat big man?’

‘Auntie Ah ask he wha’ is de right name fuh willy?’

She grab me by me jersey and pull me in strong. Ah could feel de blood leff me body and Ah try fuh stiffen up fuh de licks.

‘After Ah tell you is Penis you does call dat thing? You still went and ask dat big man wha’ ya does call it?’ Ah put down me head and look at ma foot. Auntie lift up back me chin. It was Ah try, but Ah know it wouldn’t Ah save me. Auntie hand feel hot, hot pun me body, like she just tek it out de oven.

‘Stacy bring de leder belt.’ Auntie Romona is a woman, who yah don’ beg fuh spare yuh cah is mo’ licks ya does get. Ah jus stay quiet. Stacy bring de belt and Auntie turn me ‘round and start fuh beat me.

‘Ah ain’t tell ya dat t’ing is called a penis, and you gon go and ask dat big big man, what ya does call it? Is no shame yah ain’t gat?’ But de thing is, Ah din feel it was shame fuh ask dat, Ah really din thought Ah woulda geh licks fuh that. Ah feel lil chirren shouldn’t get beat so bad, Ah mean all Ah do was ask Mr. Raper wha’ is de right name fuh willy and he din even mind. So meeno why Ah had to get beat, Ah really din know why. Ah start wish if Ah could mek Ah airplane and poke out Auntie eyeball, but den a remember me plane don’ point good and it would jus’ be a waste o’ time. Auntie hard face woulda jus’ crush de plane and Ah woulda see de plane crash to de ground and feel mo’ bad bout maself. Later in de night, Ah hear Auntie tell Mommy how she gat to start raising me right, cah Ah gon cause she big embarrassment when Ah geh big, and shame de family. Ah din wan’ cause no big embarrassment. Ah din wan cause ma mother embarrassment. It don’ mek Ah feel good ‘bout meself.
© 2017